Sunday, December 27, 2009

Dealing with the parents of a bully

This series of posts explores the roots and provides recommended responses to childhood bullying. Here’s the introduction to the series:

 Dealing with Bullies and Bullying: Introduction

Dealing with the parents of a bully

While the parents of a bullying victim will more than likely learn of the bullying from their son or daughter, there comes a time when speaking with the parent of a bully is necessary. While this can be a daunting and emotionally charged situation, keeping a cool head and approaching the situation with rational understanding is essential.

Work with the school

Since most bullying occurs in and around schools, the school principal is the best person to facilitate conversations between parents. If this is a not a school-related situation, parents of a bullied child need to reach out directly to the parents of the bully.

Be rational. Maintain composure.


Parents should be very careful to not lash out in anger or approach the situation with accusations and ultimatums. As a parent who loves you child, you will probably be upset and defensive, but it is essential that you stay rational and understanding and work to try and find a peaceful way to resolve the issue. Remember, the children are watching you for an example, and how you respond sets the tone for what happens next.

Unresponsive or confrontational parents

If the parents of the bully are confrontational or in denial, you can assume that some mention of the conversation will be made to the bully. If nothing else, the bully now knows that their victim’s parents are involved. If your initial conversation with the bully’s parents goes well you should not hesitate to speak with them again if the bullying occurrences continue. If the conversation does not go well (the other parent may chalk it up to “kids being kids”, harmless, etc.) and the bullying continues, contact your local law enforcement agency and report the bullying as criminal activity.



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