Bullying: A personal perspective

This series of posts explores the roots and provides recommended responses to childhood bullying. Here’s the introduction to the series:

 Dealing with Bullies and Bullying: Introduction

Bullying: A personal perspective



Note: Master Eric Johnson is a 7th Level Black Belt in Tien Tae Jitsu martial arts—an eclectic, self-defense-based and family-oriented martial art that blends elements of karate, kung fu, jujitsu, hapkido and kickboxing.

I was bullied

I have the unique—well, maybe not so unique, but unfortunate—experience of having been severely bullied in Junior High School. I was extremely small for my age and I grew up in a logging and lumber town. Needless to say, some of the kids I went to school with were rough and rowdy.  It was pretty common to have parents take the position of “Let the kids work it out” or “What’s wrong, your kid doesn’t know how to fight?” I had the opportunity to take Karate and Judo lessons when I was in the Cub Scouts, but didn’t take it all that seriously when I was in elementary school.

Moving to a new town

My problems began when I moved to a new town and started Junior High in the same year. It was mostly pushing, shoving, teasing, and name calling (being the youngest of 6 kids, I was pretty used to all of that). The one time I was confronted by a violent bully gave me the opportunity to try out my new running shoes. They performed admirably! Later that same year, I began training in Kenpo karate. The instructor did an excellent job of conveying a message of peace through self confidence. We learned to fight while hoping and praying that we would never have to.

Putting martial arts to work


Through my time in Junior and Senior High School I had cause to use my self-defense skills on multiple occasions. I attended Thurston High School in Springfield, Oregon. As you may or may not recall, this was the site of Oregon’s deadliest school shooting to date. On May 21, 1988 a student named Kip Kinkel opened fire in the school, injuring 24 students and killing 2. That morning, Kip had killed both his parents in their home. I knew Kip Kinkel as a child and knew his father as a teacher at Thurston High. Kip was a pretty average kid. He enjoyed riding his big wheel in the driveway. He liked ice cream and he had a great personality. He was a good kid who went down a very dark path.

A history of violence at Thurston High School


Thurston had a history of violence long before that fateful day when Kip went on a shooting rampage. There were fights all the time. Cliques of jocks, preps, stoners and loners exhibited gang-like behavior. I was personally sucker punched, tackled and faced multiple attackers on various occasions. I had a knife pulled on me twice and received a stab wound on my right arm on one occasion. I was shot at for standing next to my best friend who was dating the ex-girlfriend of a jealous psycho.



Learning about human nature and psychology

As I continued my education in martial arts over the next several decades, I learned as much as I could about human nature and psychology. It occurred to me that the best methods of self defense did not lay within some ancient fighting style, but in education and the compassion of our own hearts and souls. In time, I myself became a parent and did my best to instill positive virtues in my daughter. She’s since graduated from High School, has a good job, and is out on her own. Sometimes that’s the best we can hope for.

Why Do Kids Bully?

This series of posts explores the roots and provides recommended responses to childhood bullying. Here’s the introduction to the series:

 Dealing with Bullies and Bullying: Introduction

Why Do Kids Bully?


With bullying on the rise in our schools, it’s more important than ever for kids and parents to understand the underlying causes of bullying and bullies. This is the second post in a series examining bullying and offering insights for adults and students interested in reducing the negative impacts of bullying.


Why do kids behave this way?


A lot of bullying occurs in or around school (on the playground, cafeteria, bus, etc.). While there are more serious reasons behind bullying behavior, most bullies are kids who are trying to impress their peers. (These days, it’s equally likely that a bully can be a girl or a boy.) The bully will usually choose as their victim someone who is perceived as “different” or weaker than them.

Who is bullied?


Reasons a bully might single out their victim can be wide ranging, including everything from a speech impediment, body weight, small size, shyness, lack of coordination, or any other variety of causes. The one common trait is that the bully perceives their victim as weaker and a target. In a recent study, 77% of the students said they had been bullied. 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe (bad) reactions to the abuse.


What does the bully feel?


Bullies are driven by an urge to make others feel inferior—often due to their own insecurities. Trying to impress others by showing how big and tough they are helps them to feel more powerful and gain some limited sense of self worth. Unfortunately, it can have a damaging, long-lasting, and negative impact on the victim. Frequently, victims of bullying can be afflicted with depression, can consider suicide and may even lash out with violence that extends beyond the bully to friends and classmates.


Bullying is a learned behavior


In some cases, the bully is acting on learned behavior. They may have issues at home with an angry parent or parents. In their home environment, the message (spoken or unspoken) may be that violence can be used to solve problems. As a result, their pent up emotions, aggressions and frustrations boil over into aggressive and often violent behavior. When unresolved, these issues can continue on into adulthood. More often than not, bully parents produce kids who are bullies and continue the cycle.

Bullying that won’t stop: What’s the best response?

This series of posts explores the roots and provides recommended responses to childhood bullying. Here’s the introduction to the series:

 Dealing with Bullies and Bullying: Introduction

Bullying that won’t stop: What’s the best response?

If the bully continues to escalate their behavior you should look into keeping the kids away from each other entirely. Sometimes it’s possible to change class schedules, lunch times, etc. Parents should keep in contact with the teacher or principal (or other parents) to ensure that their child is safe. If the problem continues, contact your county sheriff’s office or local police and ask them if you can file a criminal complaint.


Discipline: What works?


Sometimes the bully will not respond to stiffer disciplinary actions such as detention, suspension, work detail, etc. Oftentimes, the bullying intensifies and becomes violent. The revenge factor has to be considered. That’s why it’s very important to continually monitor the situation before it spirals out of control.


Violence and bullying


If a bully becomes violent (shoving, striking, kicking etc.) we strongly suggest involving the local authorities. Having records and a case number on file will help your child in the long run if the abuse continues. If a child lashes out in anger at the bully, the bully may retaliate with even greater force.

Proper reaction and self defense


If the child is being bullied and senses that they are in imminent danger, they should do their best to escape and run for help. The only time they should confront the aggressor with violence is if they are backed into a corner and can see no other possible means of escape. Remember, if the bully is humiliated (especially in front of their peers) they most likely will retaliate.



Should I encourage my child to fight back?


What about death match in the octagon? In all seriousness, we should never encourage children to fight. Effective martial arts-based self defense should only be used as a last resort. Kids should be taught that appropriate personal protection measures should be taken only if there are no other options and they know that they can’t talk, walk or run away from a violent encounter. Avoiding, even running from the bully is always the best course of action.

This is the concept of Winning Through Losing, stay tuned for more on the subject.

Bullying Series: Introduction to Bullies and Bullying

Introduction to Bullies and Bullying
For today’s kids, bullying is on the rise. If you are a parent, chances are good that your child knows a bully, has been bullied, or knows other kids who have experienced bullying. To respond effectively to bullies, it’s important to first establish a definition of what bullying means and what drives kids to bully.

What’s considered bullying?
Bullying can include everything from name calling to harassment, pranks, threats, and verbal and physical assaults. These things aren’t just against school policy. They are criminal activities.

Worst states for bullies
According to new bullying statistics, these states report the highest rates of bullying in grades K–12.
1. California
2. New York
3. Illinois
4. Pennsylvania
5. Washington

Bullying is learned behavior
In some cases, the bully is acting on learned behavior. They may have issues at home with an angry parent or parents. In their home environment, the message (spoken or unspoken) may be that violence can be used to solve problems. As a result, their pent up emotions, aggressions and frustrations boil over into aggressive and often violent behavior. When unresolved, these issues can continue on into adulthood. More often than not, bully parents produce kids who are bullies and continue the cycle.

Confronting a bully
When confronted about bullying and asked whether it is appropriate behavior, a young bully will generally admit that this type of activity is wrong. They will then continue bullying—showing the deep roots of the bullying tendency. Someone who is a known bully should be carefully monitored. Those facing bullying in and around school can benefit from advice on dealing with bullies. I’ll discuss this more in upcoming articles.